Saturday, June 30, 2012

Oh My

I really am having so much fun filling you all in on the amazing OPTIONS I have when it comes to dating. Really, there are just so many fabulous Jewish men around here. It's truly a miracle that I haven't found the love of my life yet. Here is another middle-aged suitor. Although, I'm not going to post his picture (in a minute, you'll know why). 

His profile name is HSV2. Hmmmm...I thought when I saw it. That's interesting. Maybe his name would be Henry Scott Veisman? The second...? It's possible, right? But then I read his profile. And let me just say, I am all for honesty. Really, I am. So I don't fault him for it, but at the same time...I'm not sure that posting this on your jdate profile is the best way to handle it, you know? I know you have no idea what I'm talking about.  I'll just cut to the chase and let you decide for yourself. 

As I was perusing his profile, this line in particular stood out to me,

"For those who do not know what HSV is, it is herpes. Yes, I do have it..." 

Kudos to him for being open and honest. I would never be that open in my profile. Not regarding herpes. I don't have herpes. I would never even say, "By the way, I really need to lose 10 pounds." That is a fact that I like to keep hidden for as long as possible. Kind of like I would expect someone to feel about herpes.  And for the record, while I think his info is way more significant than mine, I guarantee that if I did put my unfortunate extra poundage in my profile, it would be met with way more horror and disgust than people have when reacting to an STD. Not that there is anything wrong with having an STD...I just don't want one. Nor do I want to date someone with one. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Contact

Wow. Did you hear that? That was the sound of a sigh from Naomi as I asked her to clean up one toy before going to another. D.R.A.M.A!!

Anyway. That's not what I'm here to talk about today. I'm here to complain some more about jdate. Yeah. I got contacted by someone this morning, and I'm thinking you could give me your opinions on this one. This is the email I received from him:

How are you doing? Impressive is what i describe your captivating profile as a near perfect description of what i desire in a woman, even your picture goes a long way in describing the quintessential underlying beauty any man would seek for in a woman...i know i like you but all that don't matter as all real love relationships begin on a basic foundation of friendship.. i would like to know u better and be good friends with u and am sure something deeper will spring from there... i would love to hear from you and i can be reached via E M A I L on blah blah blah @ blah blah blah (I gotta protect his identity a little bit, right?).

Now is it just me, or does this just make you want to vomit a little? Clearly this was not personalized for me. He didn't refer to anything that I wrote and I've been described in a lot of ways, but I assure you "quintessential underlying beauty" has NEVER been one of them. While it's just can't be real. After I gagged, I started to think that from the email, he doesn't even sound American. American men just aren't that suave cheesy, are they?

This is what he looks like:


Does the word "smarmy" come to anyone's mind?

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to respond. I used to be a big believer in giving everyone a chance because, "Ya never know..." But I just don't have time or energy for that kind of thinking anymore!!!

Friday, June 15, 2012


A new profile popped up today. This is what he wrote in his "about me" section, "well, i am not sure i am the right person to write about my self but i promise to be better that the one you met before :-)...i am the perfect match to the perfect girl .....good luck..."


Dating sucks.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


So, I'll bet you're wondering why I haven't posted anything lately about my exciting dating life! Well, pretty simple answer there. It's not that exciting. In fact, it's the exact opposite of exciting. Or maybe not even opposite. It's just not.

I won't say I've given up on dating, it's just that it feels kind of hopeless. Given my complete lack of a social life, the only ways I have of meeting someone would be through a fix up or online. No one is offering to set me up with their super amazing single guy friend, so jdate it is. And let me tell is slim pickins!

There is this guy, who looks like a terrorist:

This guy, showing off his physique:'s a good one. Let me send this one a quick note, see if he wants to meet of a cup of coffee:

It's a cornucopia of men I tell ya!

I was recently contacted by a 56 year old who asked me if I would move to California for him.

And then, I was contacted my a 49 year old whose screen name is "Stilllooking." I thought he was ok so I responded. He asked for my phone number so we could chat. Here's where it gets interesting. The other morning I couldn't sleep. I got up at 5:00am and at about 6:00 decided to go to my office and get some work done. I was responding to emails and at about 7:00 I emailed him back with my phone number. He proceeded to call me AND text me at 7:20am!!! Now,  I get it. I was awake. I emailed him. But in what world is it actually ok to call someone at 7:20 in the morning? What response did he actually think he would get from me? Turns out, he didn't get any response from me because I didn't have my phone with me because IT WAS 7:20 IN THE MORNING! When I got my phone and saw that he had called and texted, I ignored it. I figured he would call me back at a more appropriate time. He did. He called me back at about 4:00 that afternoon. What I didn't expect was his pissy little attitude. The conversation went something like this:

Loser: Hi. I hope I didn't scare you off by calling you so early in the morning and seeming too eager.

Me: No, you didn't scare me, but it was kind of early to be calling.

Loser (in a pissy little voice): I knew you were awake because you had just emailed me.

Me: Yeah, but it was still kind of early to call. I usually don't talk on the phone that early.

Loser (still being all pissy and not at all apologetic for calling me so early): Oh! Well, whatever. I guess if you can call me at a better time if you want. *Click*

What the hell? I guess I could have forgiven it if he had at least acted mortified or something. But he got all obnoxious like it was my fault and you know, I'm not perfect, but WTF?! Woo me! Impress me! Don't call at 7 fucking 20 in the morning!

Yeah. So that's why I haven't been writing about my dating life. It sucks.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Cool deal

FYI...there is a great deal at Vista Print right now. You can get 180 address labels for free. Just pay shipping!!! Here is the link! I just made these to help label things for camp.

Aren't they pretty? Don't worry. If you are thinking that I'm such a super mom for doing things like this and you feel bad that you can't be as cool as I am, I assure you, each and every one of my children will find something about their label to complain about.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Are you ready for the summer?

Well, here we are, one week into Summer Vacation, and I gotta say...So Far, So Good! The kids are only doing camp for two weeks at the end of June, so that means a lot of together time. And a lot of sleeping in time, which is what I was looking forward to. We don't get out of bed before 9 most days! Ahhh...we've gone to the pool, the water park, free bowling, and to the dollar theater. It's been nice!

Today, E and N started "swim team." I put it in quotes because it's not really swim team, but rather an introduction to their swim school's swim team. For their first day, I gotta say, I was impressed. Not only with their ability to swim as much as they did, but with Elliott's ability to come in last each and every time. I swear. That boy has been swimming since before he turned three and he has perfected the art of appearing as if he is swimming but in actuality, not moving at all. It's a gift I tell ya.

Kayla also started in a new swim class. Hers did not go so well. She has been in lessons for about a year now and for the last six months has loved it. Last week she started in a new group class without her brother and sister. She had a hard time with that and her teacher responded by dumping a bucket on her head, telling her every time she said she didn't want to do something she would have to do it twice, and pulling her off the wall and into the middle of the pool and then letting go. Brilliant, huh? So...after that bitch fiasco was finished, I switcher her class. Hoping that this teacher would be better...I gotta say, I was pretty disappointed. A new teacher for Kayla means more for her to be afraid of, especially after what happened last time. She cried the whole time. This idiot teacher (who looked like he needed to be studying for his SATs) felt that the best way to handle that was to splash water in her face. I pretty much lost it at that point and told the head coach that if another person splashed my child, I would dive into the pool and kill them. I'm not saying that that is the best way for me to handle the situation, but seriously! What is wrong with people? Feel free to answer in the comments, because I really want to know.

On another note. I'll end with some pictures I took the other day. I don't love them because I really don't think my photography is progressing at all, but I do love the fact that Naomi asked me if we could do a photo shoot! That is awesome!

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