Thursday, February 9, 2012

You should get out more

I get told this a lot and honestly, it pisses me off. I mean, why? Why exactly should I get out more? What do these people offering this really annoying advice think it is going to do for me? And what is the appropriate response?
Annoying person: You should get out more!
Me: Oh my g-d, you’re right? Why the hell didn’t I think of that? Buh-bye kids. Try not to kill each other!
or maybe...
Annoying person: You should get out more!
Me: Awesome, can I have $50 because I’m gonna go meet some friends (ha) for dinner and my sitter needs to come at 6:30, so I leave the house at 6:45, get to the restaurant at 7, get seated and and order by 7:20, then the food will come by 7:40, and I’ll hang out with my friends (ha) until 9:15 and get home at about 9:30. If I spend no more than $20 on dinner (and let’s be real, even if I order the house salad for $5.95, by the time I add the tip and split the bill with my 15 friends (ha) who all ordered entrees and drinks, I’m not getting out of there dropping less than a 20), the going rate for babysitters is $10/hour, so this evening you suggested to me is a little out of my budget right now, but if you can loan me a few, I’d love to!
or maybe...
Annoying person: You should get out more!
Me: Ok. Can you babysit for me. Oh no, not just when I go out but all day before I go out and then the next day, too. You can? Great!!
You see, on any given day, by the time I’m finished with everything I need to do, I pretty much want to crawl to my closet to put on my pajamas and then sit like a bump on a log on my couch with my remote control for 60 minutes, or at least however long I can keep my eyes open. Oh yeah, and do laundry so my kids have clean clothes. (Laundry...it never freakin’ ends!) What I do not want to do is shower, blow dry and straighten my hair, find something to wear that fits me, flatters me, and belongs in this decade, apply makeup (hello green eyeshadow), go out, and then come home way after I should be asleep because guess what? I got NO ONE to help me in the morning, and I’ve got three kids who need me to get up and take care of them. And I don’t want to be more tired than usual.
Also, I like being home. I like spending time and relaxing with my kids, taking pictures, playing on the computer, reading and watching tv, etc. I’m a total homebody! I have never felt this burning desire to go out. So why would I now, when there are so many obstacles anyway?
So bottom line, I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT! Now this might speak to the state of mind I’m in, but that’s just how I feel. I would love it if I knew someone who made me want to go out...get dressed despite my exhaustion and spend money I don’t have, but at this time, I don’t have that special someone. So for all the people who feel the need to tsk-tsk my pathetic life and offer those pearls of wisdom day after day, please come up with some advice I can use. Like how to hell to wean a TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD!!!  Yeah, that would be useful!

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