Today I saw this status update on Facebook: Each day I live I want to be a day to give the best of me....
And I thought...Wow! Someone I know (well, went to high school with, anyway), not only feels that way, but actually takes the time to type it on Facebook. Impressive. I for sure don’t want to give the best of me! I feel like if I’m giving a solid 49% that’s good, right? The best?!? Nah...I don’t have time for that. And what does that mean, anyway? That’s so vague. It sounds good, but without details, how can she be held accountable?
Know what I want for each day I live? I’ll give details. You can hold me accountable. And it's sure as hell not to give the best (remember, I’m shooting for a solid 49%):
- I want to wear something that fits me and doesn’t make me look like the last time I saw the inside of a mall was 2006.
- I want to not fall asleep while preparing a meal because I would inevitably fall face first into a boiling pot of pasta.
- I want to floss.
- I want to not fall asleep while driving.
- I want to not make my kids hate me because I am tired and mean and think “Positive Discipline” is a bunch of hoo-ha and not nearly as effective as “Lisa Discipline,” which usually involves screaming and lots of empty threats.
- I want to do the best I can to ensure that the health department wouldn’t condemn my house if they walked in.
- I want to prevent my children’s minds from turning into applesauce from watching too much television.
- I want to maybe play with my kids or read them a story or something for five minutes so that when they go to sleep at night I don’t miss them so much it hurts.
- I want to take a picture that
doesn’t make me hurlmakes me smile.
- I want to find a job.
- I want to answer my phone when it rings instead of looking down at my caller ID and deciding that I am too tired/annoyed/busy to answer thereby letting another friendship die.
See? This is a list! I can be held accountable for these things! Well, not really, because remember, my goal is 49%. I like to Aim Low. My sorority motto was Aim High, but that was for when I was younger. Shit, I hope that wasn’t our secret motto, because if it was, I just really screwed up.
You know I wrote this post almost completely in it’s entirety while sitting in my car outside of Kroger, listening to Kayla scream because she didn’t want to go into the store. That’s right. Forty five minutes in the car with a screaming toddler. Raise your hand if you wish you were me!