Monday, February 27, 2012

Dear Diary

I understand that my children are going to think I am stupid. It is a part of life. As they get older, they will think I’m an idiot and know next to nothing, and then eventually they will grow up and will learn that I do in fact, know a few things, and life will go on. I guess what I was not prepared for is that they would think I’m a jackass now. Aren’t they supposed to look up to me for a few more years? Can’t I become an idiot in their tween years? Because basically, at this time, you and I both know that they are the dumb ones. They can barely add 1+1. Ok, they can add 1+1, but they are still pretty stupid (I mean that in a really loving and maternal way). It is my job to teach them and explain things to them, and honestly, it is pretty hard to do that when they don’t want to listen to me because they think I have an IQ equivalent with that of sea kelp.
Take this, for example. The other day, Naomi was looking for her diary.
Naomi: Mom, I can’t find my diarrhea anywhere.
Me: Naomi, I think you mean “diary.”
Naomi: No! You don’t know!! I’m looking for my “diarrhea”!
So here’s the deal, people. If she already thinks I don’t know the difference between a book and crap, what is she going to think of me in a few years? When I really don’t have a clue about half the stuff she’s talking about?

***edited to add:  72 hours later, I know that I really am a mean Mommy because Naomi found her diary:

Naomi: Mom, I found my diary!

Me: Don't you mean your "diarrhea"?

Naomi: huh?

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