Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Stop TEXTING me!

I am not a fan of dating. Actually, I hate it. I hated it before I was married and I hate it now. For anyone who has ever said to me, "just date for fun!" my response is a resounding, "HUH?!?!?" Let me explain. Here are some things that sound like fun to me (notice I didn't say: "here are some things I do for fun." That is because I don't have time to actually do anything fun. So instead I am merely listing things that sound fun): 
  • Sit on my couch in a spotless house and watch hours of mindless TV with no place to go, no commercials, no worries, and lots of no calorie snacks (oh my Gawd that sounds awesome!!)
  • A three day shopping spree sponsored by a really generous benefactor. Also, it would be even more fun if I had just recovered from a similarly sponsored tummy tuck
  • Two weeks all paid for trip to...DISNEY WORLD! With my kids. And no crowds. And lots of money to spend on everything they want. And lots of food to eat which, because this is my idea of fun, has miraculously, no calories
Those are some ideas of a good time to me! Now, I’m sorry, did you hear me mention DATING in there? No? Oh...want to know why? Because it SUCKS!!! There is the guessing and the questioning and the, “he’s not calling enough,” and the even more annoying, “he’s calling too much.” There's wondering if he's a good kisser. If he is going to kiss you. If he is going to kiss you in a parking lot! Who pays for dinner. What should I eat for dinner? Is there a piece of dinner caught between my teeth? It goes on and on and on. And these are problems that have been common for years before I got back on the Dating Train. It all stinks and it’s all annoying as hell. But now there is another problem that honestly makes me want to puke. And I mean that in the most ladylike way possible. 
TEXTING!!! 
Here's a novel idea. If you have something to say to me...PICK UP THE PHONE! Do NOT text me to ask me if I can chat. If you call me and I can’t/don’t want to talk to you, guess what, I won’t answer. But I don’t have an extra 15 seconds to read a damn text and reply, only to then have to deal with a phone call later. And if I call you and you don’t want to talk to me, don’t send me a lame text with an excuse. Just don’t call me back. Simple. It’s always worked just fine before the age of texting. And if you return my call with a text. That does NOT count as a phone call that means I now have to call you back. Oh, and you know what else? Do NOT send me texts that could be turned into short novels. I’m not interested. Then reading and replying to one of your texts just turns into one more damn thing I have to do. Let’s see, what else annoys me. If you want to know how I am, ask me. Do not text me, because then, the answer to, “how are you doing today?” will undoubtedly be, “I’m pissed off today because I had to answer your annoying text.” I once dated a guy for a couple of months who told me that he didn’t like talking on the phone because it was a waste of his time, but he could text me all day because then he could concentrate on other things. Excuse me? Here’s the deal. I don’t want to talk to anyone I’m dating or considering dating for more than 15 minutes a day. I don’t have that kind of time to take up someone’s time. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to jump every time I hear that annoying chirp of my phone telling me that someone is waiting for my reply. It has just made it impossible to be UNavailable and that is so UNsexy on both ends.
I’m not saying that dating while juggling three small children would be peachy keen if there were no texts, but it’s certainly not peachy now. So, in response for people who say, "Just date for fun." No thank you. Dating to me is not fun. Being alone is not so much fun either, though so I do date. And I hope and pray that one day I can meet someone who I actually like being with who likes being with me and we can date and enjoy each other's company and fall madly and passionately in love WITHOUT texting.
TTFN!

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