Monday, January 16, 2012

She said WHAT?

I love Facebook. I really do. I literally waste hours of my life reading other people's statuses and updating my own. I do, however, feel that there is a lack of honesty at times with it.

For example, I am constantly amazed at the outpouring of "ooooh she's so gorgeous" and "oh my gosh, he's adorable!" in response to pictures of newborn babies...and even not so new babies...and frankly even some older children. I mean come on people! I get it. As new mothers, the hormones kick in and we look at our new bundles of slime covered squinty eyed offspring and we honestly think they are beautiful. Been there done that. I remember like it was yesterday looking at Elliott and Naomi after they were born, six weeks premature, in absolute awe of their beauty. But I’m there mother! I was programmed to think like that. I’m pretty sure that the human species has survived because of this. Otherwise our cavemen ancestors would have eaten their young. Really. This is what they looked like. 

Cute? Nuh uh. 

But at least I can admit it. I didn’t at the time, but it didn’t take me long to look at these baby pictures and wonder what the hell I had been thinking. And were people honest with me? Did they say the truth? Did they say, “Get a grip! These babies look like aliens!" NO they didn’t! And day after day, I see pictures of people’s newborns and the responses astound me. And for all of you, “I think all babies are beautiful!” people...you are blind! They may be sweet, innocent, pearls of preciousness, but they are NOT BEAUTIFUL! Not without an expert in photoshop nearby anyway.

The same goes for people’s facebook status updates. Day in and day out, I read about people quoting the cute, adorable things their little pipsqueaks are saying. “Oh he’s Jerry is so cute, he was sounding out words today!” “Oh Julia is so precious. She said, ‘I love Mommy’ for the first time!” “George is such a hoot! He loves to run around without his diaper!”** GAG!! And what kills me is the responses from people! How do people have time to respond to these inane observations? I’m too busy cleaning up the vomit from my keyboard! Why aren’t people honest? When do we get to hear the TRUTH about motherhood. For example, you know what happened in my house today? After a morning filled with lots of naughtiness, screaming and fighting over a friend’s visit with her iPad, I informed my children that based on their behavior they would get their own iPad, um...NEVER. And what was Naomi’s response to this? “Mom, are you going to die anytime soon? Because I guess I will have to wait until you are dead to get an iPad.” That is what my five year old said to me!! Should I post that on facebook? The gasps and horrors would be heard from miles around because I’m not using social networking to giggle conspiratorially with my friends (I use the term loosely) about the sweet innocence that bubbles from our offsprings’ mouths. But I dare say I’m not the only mother on the block whose children come up with these sentiments. I cannot be the only one whose child is waiting patiently for her demise. 

But people lie. And other people support it. Not me though. Now I’m not asking you to tell me my children are ugly, but don’t tell me they are beautiful if you don’t think so. And as for your own children, they may say the cutest things ever, but personally, I would much rather hear the TRUTH. It would help me (and probably countless other moms) to know that we aren’t alone in the sometimes ridiculousness of motherhood.  And besides, unless your child is reminiscent of one of these characters, chances are the truth is a lot funnier!
**Anyone alert enough to get the Seinfeld inference in there?

4 comments:

  1. You should check out the stfuparents blog then!!

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  2. Lisa - Karen Dobkin here. You are such a great writer. I have been reading your blog and love your honesty. Yes I feel the same way about Facebook. I especially get annoyed when people brag about their child and say... Good job XXX about your amazing ability to XXX when it is very obvious the 5 year old does not have a facebook account and can not read it so they are only bragging to us.
    You really are an excellent writer.

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    1. Karen, Thank you so much for reading and for liking what I say. It is a kinda crazy to be so honest and have a NONanonymous blog, but it's also really fun. And I totally get what you mean about FB. I mean, brag if you want to, but just be honest about it. We all know what you are doing, anyway!! :)

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  3. I am always totally honest about my INSANE( he is awesome and cute but EVERY DAY IS FINAL DESTINATION, TODDLER STYLE) child. I posted a few days ago about how he was running through the house shouting Pussy Pussy PUSSY at the top of his lungs. But my neighbor does the most annoying FB updates ever. My son did not talk for a LONG TIME and we fell into the trap of thinking he was not paying attention. Oh yes, yes he WAS.

    As far as ugly babies, someone I know had SUCH an ugly baby that I took a screen shot of it and sent it to my friends. Because it was totally awful. Our son is very cute, but he has a few newborn pictures that are really bad. REALLY BAD.

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